Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The Curse of the First Born
I am the one time forgot - the oldest - the ignored -
I am the first born.
How many first children, especially of large families, feel abandoned by their mothers and/or fathers? Some children really are abandoned as their parents lead lives warped by addiction, or trapped inside their own vicious and unhealthy cycles. Some parents breed and breed and breed, never satisfied but to continue the destructive trend toward endless creation.
In the end who suffers? Children suffer. Well, the parents do too but more or less they do so without awareness. The children develop what others will later term "issues" and set up behaviors in the mode of self-preservation that will later take years of therapy to understand let alone break.
The first born stands as gatekeeper, forging the way for the little ones who trail behind. The first born becomes more than a survivor, becomes an innovator. Creating from nothing a life of substance, or at least a life of something. The first born is the first to try, the first to fail, the first to succeed - the experimental rodent.
First borns become self-sustaining and move beyond their original families to seek and find others like them who need and want to be loved unconditionally, nurtured, cared for deeply. They look for the answers to life's big questions. Why are we here? What does it all mean?
They seek and find Spirit, the God of the mystics or abandon religion and all ties to ideology and doctrine, accepting no substitutes or frauds. They are inherently disbelievers - but will act bravely when the time calls for faith. They follow no code or book of rules - unless they themselves have written the book.
I am the first born.
How many first children, especially of large families, feel abandoned by their mothers and/or fathers? Some children really are abandoned as their parents lead lives warped by addiction, or trapped inside their own vicious and unhealthy cycles. Some parents breed and breed and breed, never satisfied but to continue the destructive trend toward endless creation.
In the end who suffers? Children suffer. Well, the parents do too but more or less they do so without awareness. The children develop what others will later term "issues" and set up behaviors in the mode of self-preservation that will later take years of therapy to understand let alone break.
The first born stands as gatekeeper, forging the way for the little ones who trail behind. The first born becomes more than a survivor, becomes an innovator. Creating from nothing a life of substance, or at least a life of something. The first born is the first to try, the first to fail, the first to succeed - the experimental rodent.
First borns become self-sustaining and move beyond their original families to seek and find others like them who need and want to be loved unconditionally, nurtured, cared for deeply. They look for the answers to life's big questions. Why are we here? What does it all mean?
They seek and find Spirit, the God of the mystics or abandon religion and all ties to ideology and doctrine, accepting no substitutes or frauds. They are inherently disbelievers - but will act bravely when the time calls for faith. They follow no code or book of rules - unless they themselves have written the book.
Friday, January 23, 2009
How to Choose a Baby Name
My daughter is named after a family friend of her father's who passed away in her youth. Apparently she was a bright and beautiful spirit. Her tragic death at the age of 17 came when two of her siblings and her uncle were in a plane that crashed into the Sierra Nevada mountains. Her name was Sierra. Now my daughter's name is Sierra.
I was so moved by the sad story that I never thought to probe further. Why did my husband select that name? I mean, yes she was a good person and he knew her well, but why name his daughter after her?
Recently I learned that this innocent young and lovely Sierra was also his first big crush and his first kiss. Hmm... I had no idea. I felt a little betrayed and naive - like maybe I should have looked into this naming thing a little more.
I would have named her Dominique or Matilde or something, really anything else. I wasn't keen on the name Sierra, though I have grown to love it as a part of my daughter.
Moms, dads - please consider your motivations. Also, I urge you not to name just for memorial's sake. There are lots of ways to honor the dead. When picking out your child's forever name don't feel obligated to honor anyone - you could end up with a Betty Lou Gertrude. Don't get pathetically sappy about meaning - you could end up with Amethyst Star.
Just pick something that sounds right and seems to fit. Keep it cool yet timeless, brass yet kosher. Make sure to spell it right, keeping in mind that a ghetto name statistically dooms your child to a crap career and a lifetime of embarrassing corrections.
I was so moved by the sad story that I never thought to probe further. Why did my husband select that name? I mean, yes she was a good person and he knew her well, but why name his daughter after her?
Recently I learned that this innocent young and lovely Sierra was also his first big crush and his first kiss. Hmm... I had no idea. I felt a little betrayed and naive - like maybe I should have looked into this naming thing a little more.
I would have named her Dominique or Matilde or something, really anything else. I wasn't keen on the name Sierra, though I have grown to love it as a part of my daughter.
Moms, dads - please consider your motivations. Also, I urge you not to name just for memorial's sake. There are lots of ways to honor the dead. When picking out your child's forever name don't feel obligated to honor anyone - you could end up with a Betty Lou Gertrude. Don't get pathetically sappy about meaning - you could end up with Amethyst Star.
Just pick something that sounds right and seems to fit. Keep it cool yet timeless, brass yet kosher. Make sure to spell it right, keeping in mind that a ghetto name statistically dooms your child to a crap career and a lifetime of embarrassing corrections.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
CHILDREN GROWING UP WITH GAY PARENTS
I don't have any close relationships with gay couples who have children. The one couple I did know (I did the video for their wedding) is now divorced. So their adopted daughter is the product of a broken home just like many children these days.
I haven't heard any compelling evidence to suggest that there is anything qualitatively different in the experiences children have growing up in gay households compared to traditional husband/wife households.
All of us have unique family groups. We create them, we fall into them, we leave them, we destroy and rebuild them.
Many gay couples openly and lovingly adopt children, or conceive through IVF or surrogacy. In a land where their marriage is not legally recognized, it is amazing and noteworthy that parenthood is still a possibility.
Cheers to queers who dare to journey into parenthood. Blessings to you children who have parents who know what it means to love in the face of adversity.
I haven't heard any compelling evidence to suggest that there is anything qualitatively different in the experiences children have growing up in gay households compared to traditional husband/wife households.
All of us have unique family groups. We create them, we fall into them, we leave them, we destroy and rebuild them.
Many gay couples openly and lovingly adopt children, or conceive through IVF or surrogacy. In a land where their marriage is not legally recognized, it is amazing and noteworthy that parenthood is still a possibility.
Cheers to queers who dare to journey into parenthood. Blessings to you children who have parents who know what it means to love in the face of adversity.
PASTEL GARDENS & INTERIOR DECORATING
The garden drawn on the walls of my living room makes the adult in me go WHY! and it's not a question.
The three year old child who does not yet have an internalized adult self only grins at her work.
"Look mama, I drew a pink dinosaur on the wall." There is a garden of love in her heart. She doesn't seem to understand "color only on your paper" even though if I ask her she will tell me that we must "never color on the walls."
She is just a baby really and I'm thinking about the labor that I will have to give someday to erase all the markings. Probably a whole new paint job for the entire house. There seems to be no other way around it.
But perhaps even in that work too I will find Zen - the peace that comes from losing thought to physical work.
I will tend to the garden of my walls. So why fret now? Why not give her the box of crayons and say, "Have a nice time!" ???????
The three year old child who does not yet have an internalized adult self only grins at her work.
"Look mama, I drew a pink dinosaur on the wall." There is a garden of love in her heart. She doesn't seem to understand "color only on your paper" even though if I ask her she will tell me that we must "never color on the walls."
She is just a baby really and I'm thinking about the labor that I will have to give someday to erase all the markings. Probably a whole new paint job for the entire house. There seems to be no other way around it.
But perhaps even in that work too I will find Zen - the peace that comes from losing thought to physical work.
I will tend to the garden of my walls. So why fret now? Why not give her the box of crayons and say, "Have a nice time!" ???????
CHILDISH NONESENSE
Wonderful, unpredictable not at all sensible joy and discovery we find when we let go of expectations, let go of attachment.
Do you know this already or are you shaking your head "no"?
Letting go and submitting means releasing the illusion of control.
In all your life ask for peace to understand these things over which you have no dominion. Ask for peace and eyes wide open to see the open spot where you will step next.
When we spirits come to earth to learn of life and flesh we push the boundaries of experience as far as we can imagine.
When we spirits thrive we open up to our god-selves. When we get sick, we hide in the mud.
Look forward through your humanity and beyond material to your greater self - of whom you are a beloved expression .
Do you know this already or are you shaking your head "no"?
Letting go and submitting means releasing the illusion of control.
In all your life ask for peace to understand these things over which you have no dominion. Ask for peace and eyes wide open to see the open spot where you will step next.
When we spirits come to earth to learn of life and flesh we push the boundaries of experience as far as we can imagine.
When we spirits thrive we open up to our god-selves. When we get sick, we hide in the mud.
Look forward through your humanity and beyond material to your greater self - of whom you are a beloved expression .
IN THE WAVES AND UNDERNEATH by Rumi
A man is wandering the marketplace at noon with a candle
in his hand, totally ecstatic.
"Hey," calls a shopkeeper, "is this a joke? Who are you
looking for?" "Someone breathing
Huu, the divine breath." "Well, there are plenty to choose from." "But I want one who
can be in anger and desire and still be a true human being in the same moment." "A rare thing!
But maybe you're searching among branches for what appears only in the roots."
There's a river that turns these millstones. Human will is an
illusion. Those who are proud
of deciding and carrying out decisions are the rawest of
the raw! Watch
the thought-kettles boiling, then look down at the fire.
God said to Job, "You
value your patience well. Consider now that I gave you that
patience." Don't be absorbed
with the waterwheel's motion. Turn your head and gaze
at the river. You say, "But
I'm looking there already." There are several signs in eyes
that see all the way to
the ocean. Bewilderment is one. Those who study foam and
flotsam near the edge
have purposes, and they'll explain them at length! Those who
look out to sea become the sea,
and they can't speak about that. On the beach there's desire-singing and rage-ranting,
the elaborate language-dance of personailty, but in the waves
and underneath there's no
volition, no hypocrisy, just love forming and unfolding.
Source:
The Soul of Rumi: A New Collection of Ecstatic Poems by Coleman Barks
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
THE OTHER CHILD - NEW SITE LAUNCHED !!!
This site is launched today, the day of Barack Obama's inauguration to the highest office in the country.
We enter a phase of human consciousness where we collectively join in celebration of the spirit of the child. This spirit is what it takes for people to come together and unite with a common purpose. The spirit of the child knows no bounds, has limitless imagination, has industrious energy and sees potential to build new worlds from basic elements.
Dream big, hope for the best, and celebrate the Child!
We enter a phase of human consciousness where we collectively join in celebration of the spirit of the child. This spirit is what it takes for people to come together and unite with a common purpose. The spirit of the child knows no bounds, has limitless imagination, has industrious energy and sees potential to build new worlds from basic elements.
Dream big, hope for the best, and celebrate the Child!
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